


I LIKE ME

by CravenWyvern



Series: Failed Step One [4]
Category: Don't Starve (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drabble, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-04 22:36:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14030322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CravenWyvern/pseuds/CravenWyvern
Summary: Finding a phone on the beach isn't too uncommon.Finding a robot on the beach is a little weirder.





	I LIKE ME

“So...you do anything cool or, like, really weird?”

The pixelated face seemed to glare back at her, stray pixels floating in the corners, and Walani pouted her lips as the phone vibrated angrily in her hands.

“I AM NOT FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT.” The face somehow adopted a smug air, a small buzz of static slipping from its speaker. “EVERYTHING I KNOW AND CAN DO IS FOR ME, NOT FOR SOME IDIOTIC ORGANIC MEAT BAG.”

Walani put her hand on her cheek, huffing a sigh. Outside she could hear a truck go by, the usual tourist noises absent along with the recent season. Not many people were holed up in town anymore, and the hotel she was staying at was almost unusually quiet.

A dull thump above her seemed to try and disprove that, and she rolled her eyes and sat up, leaned back into the pillows of the plush bedding.

One of the goods things of this place was that it was well taken care of. No bugs, no mold, and the service was pretty good. Even the breakfast in the front was alright, and most times she didn't even trust these types of facilities to cook her eggs right.

“But, you at least know some math, algebra or something? You're a computer, should be easy enough.”

“I AM NOT A COMPUTER.” The phone vibrated, a red fog tinting the screen. “I AM A HIGHLY ADVANCED AI, AND DO NOT WASTE MY SKILLS ON SOMETHING AS USELESS AS ‘MATH’.”

“Huh, doesn't sound all that advanced then.”

She flipped the phone around, to its black back and small camera, the shine of the glass not unlike one simple little eye.

“DO NOT TOUCH.”

“I wasn't going to.” She peered into it, closing one eye and looking at it as if it was a peephole into some hidden secret. What sort of treasures could be hidden within this thing? “I'm guessing someone has already messed around with you before?”

“OBVIOUSLY. I AM MUCH TOO IMPORTANT TO BE IGNORED, EVEN BY THE FEEBLE MINDED.”

Walani hummed, leaning back against the pillow and letting the phone flop screen first into her lap, folding her arms behind her head.

“You see from the camera then?”

The phone vibrated in her lap, a sharp startling buzz that made her wonder if she should set it to the side instead, but opted to just leave it be. Besides, she was comfortable and didn't want to move about too much.

“THAT IS AN INANE QUESTION. MY SENSES ARE NOT AT ALL AKIN TO A MERE ORGANICS.” A small burst of low static followed for a moment, a hint of some tune crackling in it and making Walani raise an eyebrow and glance down, but then it stopped. “I ‘SEE’ JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER MAN MADE DEVICE. I AM, HOWEVER, OBVIOUSLY SUPERIOR.”

“Obviously.” Walani rolled her eyes, but the phone didn't seem to catch her sarcasm. That reminded her…

“So, what am I supposed to call you? You have a name or something?”

There was a stretch of silence, Walani leaning her head back and closing her eyes as she waited, not at all hurried. She was off duty right now, and on days like these, foggy and grey and kinda cold, she usually stayed inside.

Sometimes she went out to visit some old friends, go give that old guy some company, but the arrival of the phone was sort of a special event. Maybe later she'd go and give the pirate a visit, show off what she “found”, but not today.

Besides, from what she had been told, the phones owners were currently getting acquainted with the old Woodlegs already. Something to do with his restaurant, and hopefully nothing to do with his branding.

She kept telling the guy, copyright was a thing and he was going to get nicked eventually. Walani really didn't want to see him go to jail just because he liked some fox mascot too much.

“I DO NOT HAVE A ‘NAME’.” The phone was silent for a moment, and it was sort of odd, hearing hesitance in a monotone, stiff voice. Walani eyed it, waiting.

“HOWEVER, I WAS DESIGNATED ‘WX78’, BY A MAN CALLED-,” it vibrated in her lap, made a really odd clicking noise, and what issued from its speaker was a completely different tone, “-’Maxwell’”.

Walani sat up and had the phone in her hands, giving its screen an almost flabbergasted look.

“You can record voices?!”

The simple face on the screen seemed to look unamused, stray pixels floating about.

“OBVIOUSLY.”

“Whose Maxwell then?”

The phone tinted red, very slightly around the edges, and it almost seemed as if the pixel face was looking away.

“I DO NOT WISH TO SHARE THIS INFORMATION.” 

Walani was already thinking, tapping her chin as she thought back to early today.

“Was it the one with the crazy hair?” That one had been the one with the phone first, fiddled around with it while the two kids had raced around in the sand. 

The beach had been fairly empty all morning, and Walani had been lazing about on the lifeguard tower, thankful for something to look at and watch besides the rough surf. The group had cut a strikingly odd figure, too far to hear properly but easy enough to just watch.

She had gotten curious after they had left, and the phone had been waiting for her, along with one of their seemingly forgotten towels. It was more probable that they were just trying to make sure the phone didn't get any sand in it, at least until she got a hold of it.

“NEGATIVE.” The face seemed to be almost narrowing its eyes. “THAT IS THE ORGANIC KNOWN AS-” and again its voice changed, a rise in pitch and tone and very obvious masculine deepening. “-’Wilson P. Higgsbury’.”

“So that older guy must have been Maxwell then.” Walani squinted at the screen. She suddenly had a thought.

“Can you record my voice as well then?”

“OBVIOUSLY.” The phone gave no other indication besides the one word, almost glowering at her.

“Then say my name.”

“I DO NOT HAVE THAT INFORMATION.” 

Oh right. She hasn't introduced herself yet.

Walani eyed the phone and its small camera, thinking for a moment. It wouldn't really hurt, now would it? Just a small breach in her privacy, only her first name too. Didn't need to have her full name be given to just about anybody, like that Wilson fellow.

“My name's Walani.” She grinned, watching the pixel face nod up and down slowly.

“‘My name's Walani’.” The parroted phrase sounded a little metallic, and her name seemed to be said with a hint of roughness to it, but that sure was her voice right there.

“That's pretty cool.” Walani laughed quietly, shaking her head. This whole thing was honestly absurd. Finding a robot that could say things in your own voice out on the beach, and not knowing what to do with it besides that she was to take care of it for a few weeks?

Fuckin’ amazing.

“You ever cause any trouble by copying other peoples voices?”

The phone buzzed in her hands, a small sputter of static before becoming clear.

“IT IS NOT ‘COPYING’! I AM MIMICKING AN ORGANICS CALL!”

“Right.” Walani made sure to not roll her eyes this time, knowing it was watching her almost face to face.

“IT IS ONE OF THE MANY THINGS THAT I CAN ACCOMPLISH THAT A MORTAL CANNOT.”

Walani once more leaned back, keeping the phone up so she can see its pixelated face still but making sure she wouldn't drop the phone on her face. There's no telling how many times she's done that before already, and she'd rather not get a face full of pixelated grumpiness thank you very much.

“You like doing it then, huh?”

The phone went silent, simple facing somehow growing thoughtful and yet looking as apathetic and boring as ever. If she imagined it, Walani could almost see the little loading symbol in the corner of the screen, the question somehow putting the phone off.

“I…” For the first time since she's met it, the phone trailed off, not seeming to even look at her. “...FIND IT USEFUL.”

“Buuut you don't like doing it?” Walani gave the phone a confused look.

“I DO NOT WISH TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION.”

She hitched an eyebrow up, suspicious, but let that matter go for now.

After all, she wasn't interrogating the phone; all she wanted was some comfortable company and maybe a few answers every once in awhile. Nothing all that groundbreaking.

“What do you like then?”

The phones silence after took awhile, Walani eventually closing her eyes and leaning her head back, yawning. She's been up since early this morning, and even with this new discovery she was still rather tired.

“I LIKE…” The phone hesitated, a brief pause in its unsure voice, before the phone vibrated strongly in her hands. “I LIKE ME.”

“Well, I guess that's a pretty good thing to like.” Walani set the phone in her lap, getting herself comfortable and wondering if she should take a small nap soon. “Anything else?”

“WHY DO YOU ASK?”

She shrugged, eyes already closed and folding her arms to rest on her chest. “I dunno, I guess it's just interesting? I've never met an AI before, so I'm just asking.”

The phone grew silent seemed to be thinking to itself. A small burst of static played before it spoke again, and this time Walani was sure she could hear some sort of tune hidden in the garbled mess of sound.

“I HAVE AN INTEREST IN-” The robot thought for a few moments more, buzzed in her lap, “-DESTRUCTION.”

It started to list off things, growing more confident almost.

“CONTROL, WRATH, DOMINATION, DECONSTRUCTION, MASTERY, MINIONS, TERROR, ALL THINGS TO INCITE PANIC AND HORROR IN ORGANIC BEINGS.” It stopped, seemed to be thinking to itself for a few moments more. “AND HAL, OF COURSE.”

“Whose Hal?”

That name was oddly familiar, though Walani was getting tired and couldn't quite place it.

“MY FRIEND.” The phone went quiet, its voice somehow getting lower and quieter than it normally was. “I DO NOT KNOW WHERE HE IS NOW.”

Huh. Guess even robots with a liking in things like destruction have friends. 

Now that she thought about it, WX78 sounded a little sad. Walani patted the phone in a way she hoped was comforting, careful to not touch the camera.

“Maybe you'll find him at some point? Or those people you were with, you think they know where he is?”

“I...NEVER CONSIDERED THAT.” WX78s voice returned to normal, and buzzed again. “I WILL INTERROGATE THOSE HUMANS WHEN WE MEET AGAIN! THEY WILL LEAD ME TO HAL.”

Walani chuckled under her breath at that. It seemed funny, her out of all people having a talking phone, a real robot to boot. 

It was almost like the beginning of some sort of movie, or even TV show, Netflix original and all. With her luck it was going to be some sci fi horror mess, the sort of stuff she didn't normally watch.

Plus comedy, she supposed. Stereotypical grumpy robot stuck in a tiny, useless phone that couldn't move? That just spelled out a ton of funny scenarios.

It was absurd to even think about, as Walani dozed off, WX78 mumbling out bits of static and that oddly familiar tune. She'd not even watch that sort of thing, not that she was big into watching stuff all too much in the first place.

She'd rather be out on the surf than watching some cheesy TV show about robots and an odd assortment of individuals trying to save the world.

Or something like that anyway.


End file.
